JANUARY 18, 2012
PARENTS, BE PARENTS!
At a parent/teacher conference, the parent kept her head down. We had been down this road so many times; but for me, this time was different and she knew it. She refused to look me in the eye. But I said what had to be said, and I’m glad I did. I did not stop looking at the mother when I told her, “I am not your child’s friend and I am not her buddy. I am her teacher. I will work hard to help her to complete her assignments. She’s very smart and very capable; however, your daughter complains a lot. First of all, it’s a bad habit, and second of all, it’s unproductive. I will help her any way I can to complete the college essay. But she has to do the work.”
I had been speaking to the wrong person about the college essay. The child was only doing what she was taught to do: blame and complain. Parents can’t be buddies and friends; they have to be parents. And they have to stop making excuses for their child’s failures. Teachers must be brave enough to challenge parents to be parents.
Many parents are used to coming to conferences and hearing nothing but bad news about their kids. By the time the child is in high school, some Black parents are tired. An exhausted mother may come to the meeting ready to defend her child no matter how wrong s/he may be. However, enabling our children does not empower them. Parents must stand firm, be serious, and demand more from their children. It may be tiring, but it is a necessary step to empowering our children and breaking the cycle of failure!
I have attended teacher/parent conferences where teachers tried to be nice and use friendly customer service to soften the bad news. You don’t have to put on your game face and fight. But you help your students more when you are firm, serious, and empathetic. After that meeting, the student came to class and respectfully asked for help completing her college essay. She turned it in the next day and it was well done.
Ron Clark is the American Teacher of the Year, is the author of End the Molasses Classes: Getting Kids Unstuck--101 Solutions for Parents and Teachers. He has written an excellent article entitled, "What Teachers Want Parents to Know" where he administers some tough, relevant advice for parents.
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